A crazy week
Cramps
Bleeding in early pregnancy is a worry for anyone. At 6 weeks pregnant that’s exactly what happened to the mothership. A ‘period like’ cramp released a small amount of blood that over the next few hours got progressively heavier. A small clot passed and we were panicking. Thinking the worst I contacted the clinic who asked for Mothership to go and have bloods taken. The plan was to take bloods asap and again in two days time. If the hCG (pregnancy hormone) levels dropped then it would indicate a miscarriage.
Not knowing was the hardest part for me. At the crossroads of two completely different life paths and unable to plan for or have any influence over either of them is hard to accept. That’s limbo land, a place my head is not happy to be.
The following day we were asked to go for a scan. I was so quick to say yes and get going to the clinic I forgot to ask what the blood result showed. Both of us nervous and fearing the worst, we went in to the scan room and the lovely sonographer got to work. She explained that it was very early on to see a heart beat but they wanted to have a look and see what was happening in there. Yet another internal probing for the Mothership!
Twins
It quickly became apparent why we were called back before the second blood test. HCG levels were very high and the scan confirmed it….. Twins. A little excited, for a moment we forgot why we were there in the first place. Still so early to see much the sonographer had a good look around and confirmed two yolk sacks and two tiny little embryo (now called a foetal pole). Then a tiny little flicker on baby B. Their heart is beating. Baby A was measuring very slightly smaller and no heart beat seen but it may be just too early to tell. We left the clinic feeling hopeful and relieved. Twins, and a viable pregnancy confirmed. What a relieve.
Later that evening our consultant called. He wanted Mothership to begin progesterone injections as well as continuing with the pessaries. He was not sure if the bleeding may be a sign that baby A isn’t going to make it. The progesterone would help baby B if baby A was miscarrying. We thought we were done with all that stabbing, medication and unexpected bills but true to the ivf journey we were at another bump in the road.
A lot of blood
The bleeding settled down for a day before coming back with vengeance. More cramping, heavy bleeding and 2 clots passed that were each about 3 inches. Blood was filling 2 pads an hour so at midnight, now more concerned about the Mothership we took a trip to A and E. This time it had to be a miscarriage. We were in no doubt that those clots were our babies. There was no way there could be that much bleeding and the babies still be in there.
My experience in A and E was horrible. Because of covid I wasn’t aloud in. They were my babies too but I was not aloud to be with my partner when we were told the worst had happened. I thought that Mothership was going off to have a scan and would be alone to receive the bad news. I thought that Mothership might be in danger loosing that amount of blood and all I could do was stand a wait. In the end all they did was take blood and make us wait by the entrance (with the doors locked open in the freezing early hours of the morning) for 5 very long hours.
When the doctor called we were both aloud back in, of course then I knew it was going to be bad news. The doctor really couldn’t tell us anything. She was pretty sure it was a miscarriage but unable to tell us if it was one or both babies. I am so grateful to her for bending the rules and recognising that we were both potentially loosing our babies. It would be days before the hospital could book in a scan. We were just meant to wait and see what happened, but not knowing what was happening doesn’t sit well with our ability to function so we booked a private scan for the next day.
Emotional rollercoaster
The bleeding had settled but there was still spotting. I had convinced myself that the first cramping and bleeding was baby A leaving us and the second cramping and bleeding was baby B. There was no way there could be that much blood and those large clots and there still be a pregnancy. As far as I was concerned we were going to the clinic to confirm what we already know in order to get out of limbo land and begin to process what’s happened. The week has been a crazy emotional rollercoaster, in case you haven’t kept up here’s what has happened so far;
Yay pregnant.
Oh Shit! Bleeding. Cramps and a clot.
Its all over.
Yay! TWINS.
Wait. Only one heart beat.
Yay! May be twins.
Oh shit that’s a lot of blood.
Clots. It’s all over.
Hospital. Be ready for bad news.
Then this happened….. 7 weeks and there is still a heart beat. Baby B is still going strong. Baby A doesn’t seam to have grown and no heart beat found but it is still early so it is possible baby A is hanging in there but we are not holding out much hope. So the emotional roller continues. Sad about baby A but don’t know for certain if we need to be sad. Relieved baby B is happy but scared to get too excited. And where the hell is all the blood coming from?
Catch up on the journey so far here.