As a partner to the person going through treatment there are a few things I wish I knew before starting ivf. I wouldn’t go back and do anything differently but some things would have been helpful to know. Some can not be truly appreciated until you find yourself in a situation and most are simply out of our hands.
IVF is expensive. Like way more than you first get quoted.
Often when you look online you can find ‘fertility packages’. The average cost for a standard IVF treatment is £5k. What you may not realise when fist looking into costs is that there are compulsory additional costs such as medications, blood tests, covid tests and a HFEA fee. Before treatment starts the clinic will most likely wish to do fertility investigations and more bloods. For us one round of IVF including purchase of donor sperm etc has cost close to £11k
Here is a rough breakdown of our costs:
- IVF treatment package £5,500
- Costs for consultations, fertility scan and bloods before treatment started £1500
- Donor sperm and HFEA fee £1500
- Medication (long protocol and additional progesterone due to complications) £1000
- Covid tests £160
- Extra blood tests (virology and hCG) £230
- Additional nurse appointments, scans and post scan consultations £1100
- Embryo storage £550
Mothership was on a long protocol that required additional meds. We also had some complications that resulted in more meds and appointments.
Everyone’s costs will vary but the key thing I wish I knew is how much more it would cost in the likely event of things not going perfectly to plan. We were very lucky that we had just enough in the bank to pay the additional bills as they kept coming. Had we gone into this with a budget close to the estimated cost we would have found our selves in a position where we would have had to stop.
Sadly our cycle ended in miscarriage of twins at 9 weeks and at the moment we can’t afford to try again knowing that there may be so many hidden extras to possibly have to pay.
You need a good buffer in the bank so that you can continue the cycle no matter what happens.
Not all clinics are created equally
We didn’t do much research into clinics. Choosing the one close to us made sense at the time. It wasn’t until after we had invested time and money into the first few appointments that we discovered the egg collection and transfer would be in London. I just assumed (naively) that everything happened at one clinic.
The information provided by clinics varies massively. I had to rely on google and online information from other clinics to understand what our IVF process was, what the medications did, and what things meant. Of course when we spoke to our consultant but it wasn’t until after our appointments that we tried to process what was happening and then had questions. May be that’s just us being autistic and wanting to know the ins and outs of every element of the process!
We found the resources at these clinics very helpful:
Our clinic really hasn’t been that helpful when it comes to information. It was also very disorganised and unclear about the costs along the way. Lucky the nurses at the clinic were incredibly supportive and were happy to help explain a few things for us.
Life revolves around IVF treatment
Particularly during covid life has revolved around treatment. Appointments are often at short notice. Transfer day can be on day 3 or 5 and you might not know until the morning of day 3. Some medication had to be kept in the fridge so we had to be home in time for the shot and emergency scans and blood can happen any time after pregnancy is confirmed.
Because of covid we spent the whole long cycle in isolation. Positive covid test = treatment stops. Before going for collection and transfer we both had to have a test at a cost of £80 each. If that test had been positive we wouldn’t have been able to go. There are no refunds. Of course getting covid wouldn’t be good but a positive test with no symptoms would mean a lot of money down the drain. It wasn’t worth the risk. We icolated for months.
Once medication starts its best to try keep the diary free or flexible. Your both at the mercy of science and biology battling it out to take control.
2 embryos back in doesn’t give you a better chance of a baby
This is a hard one for me. Would I go back and change our decision to put 2 embryos in? No. Would I want to do the same again? No.
I don’t think we will ever know if loosing the first twin at 6 weeks caused the loss of the 2nd at 9 weeks. We will never know if the 2nd twin who developed well and had a heart beat would have made it had there not been the bleed possibly caused by the first twin not developing and the body trying to miscarry. We simply don’t know. We had our reasons for implanting 2 embryo and knew the risk. We now only have 1 embryo left. If we had 2 left we would not put them in together. We took a risk and it didn’t work out. We wouldn’t take that risk again.
IVF takes a toll on your mental health
IVF is hugely stressful for both parents to be. Depression and anxiety are common. If this is something you suffer with before treatment starts it’s a good idea to build a support network or have that one person you tell who you can talk to through the journey.
Our journey has brought us closer together. Being supportive and communication all the way through has been key. It really is an emotional rollercoaster. With one hurdle after another you might find yourself happy and excited one minute and heart broken the next. I wish I was more prepared for that.
Once you start its hard to stop.
We only ever had the finances for 1 cycle. We agreed to try and if it didn’t work then it wasn’t meant to be. We are now trying to scrape together the money for the next cycle and i’m trying to come up with a plan of action in case that cycle fails. We got pregnant and our dreams got really big and felt within reach, now we can’t stop pushing for the dream. But at what cost? It feels like a gamble to keep going. With the very real possibility of never creating a family. But at what point do we stop. When the money runs out? Or do I just find a way to work harder and find it? How much can the motherships body take.
Its easy to see how some people spend 20, 30, 50, 100k. All that money will be worth spending if you get to hold your baby. But what if it doesn’t work.
We’re sucked into a cycle of trying to make all the pain, heart ache, costs and time worth it.
I don’t in any way regret this journey. Its part of us and will shape our future. I do wish I had given my self a bit of a reality check at the beginning and i wish we had started it sooner.